Friday, October 14, 2016

Trump vs. Jar Jar Binks

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Tyrion Lannister: The Dragon Whisperer - Game of Thrones Meme

Thursday, April 28, 2016

The Bread Keep - Hot New Bakery in King's Landing

Game of Thrones Satire: Recent cover story in Westeros Food & Wine magazine:

Specialties include Brienne Muffins and Valyrian Steel Cut Oats

Forget nickel, The Bread Keep is all about their fresh made Pumperiron Bread. Feeling adventurous? Try the Tyrion Special - to get the day started it's a short stack but for the afternoon and evening ordering the same gets you a half-rack of ribs with a side of Littlefingerling potatoes. Chef Roose Bolton works hard to kneed the dough just right while his son, sous-chef Ramsay puts on a cutlery demonstration every afternoon which is fun for the whole family. The fragrant aromas are enough to make severed heads turn and no meal would be complete without their famous scrambled egg-wights. They serve up a Mountain of a feast at The Keep and have been Hounding the city for years to acquire their permit. Lord Tywin could never get on board with the concept eatery and thankfully he's retired from his post. If you have the time, be sure to ask the High Sparrow for a tour of the stock room, located beneath the dining area. There you'll see the queen of it all - where they age their handsome meats.

Back up in the cafe, you'll swoon over the hiring of a young vision-impaired girl who keeps the floor sparkling with her trusty broom. If bread isn't your thing, Ramsay is excellent at preparing fresh sausages and we would be remiss to not suggest washing it all down with a pint. Trouble might be 'brewing' in Dorne but the staff will only need a Mormont to prepare a delectable cappuccino. Head barista Jaime Lannister is a maester at working the custom-made Bronn Espresso machine which is shaped like a golden hand. Be sure also to try the open-faced sandwich, it's to die for! Winter may be coming, but so are the hot cross buns, a favorite of the Faith Militant. Looking for dessert? Not to worry! Every afternoon, a Snow Cone wagon parks across the street and the city-folk go wildling for the "dragon-cone," a succulent lemon tart.

All in all, The Bread Keep has quickly become the best bakery in the Seven Kingdoms and their quality of foods is in Stark contrast to the failed attempts by many other bakeries before them. Remember when Chef Stannis launched Bar Atheon's with their only meal being seared meats? Some Hounds like their meat raw, not Samwell done. We could see that failure in the flames! How about Catelyn & Robb's? They missed the mark with that one - like a shark smelling blood, only to be undercut by their competition.

There is nothing Dire about this situation. With the financial backing of House Tyrell, The Bread Keep will have a long and successful reign, so take your Tommen getting there. The Walls may crumble around it but the Keep will remain like the Fist of the First Men.

There's only this left to say about this fine new bakery... Braavos!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Ping Pong

So my friend Vince and I have been trash talking about a ping pong showdown we have set for tomorrow. The funny thing is that throughout our friendship that has spanned over 25 years, we have been about 50/50 on everything we have ever competed against each other in. Tennis, basketball, golf (I think anyway, I personally run out of room for big numbers on the scorecard), ping pong, video games, you name it. That makes trash talking even more fun because we're both right, and both have grounds on which to stand.

Unfortunately for Vince, tomorrow I am going to make him look like this.